what does self care mean to you?

~ I share my definition of self care & respond to yours

For convenience and accessibility purposes, this newsletter has an audio option

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Self care is a tricky word.

It’s a word distorted by the wellness industry and, in a broader sense, ~capitalism~ (shocker).

Try this skincare product that smells gross: you’ll find inner peace.

Pay for this overpriced meditation app that’s super glitchy: you’ll be a new person.

Buy these liquid greens on TikTok: you’ll be healthier.

The commercialization of self care is nothing new, and I’ve been writing about it online for a long time. But as self care is kind of my whole schtick, I want to share my definition and highlight some of the beautiful definitions you sent me on Instagram.

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To me, self care is about attunement and permission.

It’s tuning into your ever-changing needs and giving yourself permission to honor them without judgment or hesitation.

Self care, to me, is also strategic in that it has a positive impact on the whole self. In other words, an act of self care that serves one part of you should not be overtly harmful to another part of you. Think of the wellness industry selling you products that probably will help your skin but in exchange for half your paycheck. (Can you tell I have a personal vendetta against the larger skincare corporations?).

It’s about balance, attuning to your regular, everyday needs, and also keeping in mind your long-term goals and desires. Eventually, these practices create a foundation for a fulfilling life.

It’s also about communicating your needs, desires, and boundaries with people in your life gently but firmly. More often than not, self care is a simple “no.”

But this is just my definition, and it's dynamic and growing every day.

I did a call for YOUR definitions of self care, and I LOVED reading them. Here are some of my favorites:

1. HYGGE! I love the concept of hygge (hoo-gah). I was first introduced to it by a Danish friend from high school, who is the human embodiment of the word. Hygge is about being cozy, physically and emotionally safe, and being with others. It’s about the atmosphere and slowing down — all the things I adore. I definitely use a huge dose of hygge in my everyday self care.

2. This one is key — self care is an everyday thing. We can’t just do self care retroactively. That’s just called doing damage control. The goal is to keep our cup from becoming empty through everyday, intentional self care tasks. I’m currently traveling and staying at my parent's house, and even though I’m out of routine, I’m trying my best to continue feeding myself nutritious meals and going for frequent walks. These two things are known cup-fillers for me.

3. When I read this definition, the word that came to mind was self-compassion. I probably say this word about 10+ times per day in sessions. Self-compassion can mean treating ourselves like a dear friend: saying kind things to ourselves, understanding our needs, and following through with acts of self-love.

4. Self care isn’t always easy! It can be the less aesthetic, less ideal option. When I read this, I thought of the bank account To Do I have on my list right now. I want to move some accounts into high-yield savings accounts, which sounds tedious and time-consuming. In reality, it will likely take me 45 minutes and be a good move for my future financial self. Confronting, not avoiding, is real hard. But it's real essential.

5. I love the way this definition is phrased. Taking inventory of our thoughts, feelings, and needs is the foundation of self care. We can’t take action until we have a direction. One of my favorite therapy phrases is simple: “What do you need right now?”

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Thank you to each of you who responded to my Instagram story. It’s lovely to hear and learn from you and share your beautiful definitions of self care. I hope that whoever is reading and listening to this post is inspired to reflect on their definition of self care and put that into action as we approach summer (a hectic time of year — for me, at least!).

Let’s keep the definitions of self care going in the comments…I would love to hear from you! <3

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my self care lately : )

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With comfort & care,

sky

Skylar is a licensed clinical mental health counselor who talks about self-care as the foundation of a prosperous life. She has a deep love for all things cozy, vegetarian cooking, and religiously organizing her google calendar. Follow her on Instagram for more self-care inspo (and unsolicited photos of her cats), or on LinkedIn for the more ~professional~ stuff.